Vinyl Records
Thu Jun 24, 2010 4:54:25 am

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I experience a weird sensation when I think about vinyl records. They remind me of an incident that happened over 20 years ago. My father gave me his old record player. He bought a new one for himself and had no need for the old one. It was not entirely unexpected that he would give it to me. He often gave away his old audio equipment when he acquired something new. I started playing with it right away. Although it had the form factor of a record player, it also had a radio and cassette player built into it. I was able to use those features, but I didn't have any vinyl records.

My father came back a few minutes later and gave me a Petula Clark record. This was unexpected. I thought the gifting process was already over. Also, I had no interest in Petula Clark's music, but I listened to the entire record once just to be sure. I somehow felt very bad about keeping that record. I'm still not entirely sure why. I could have just kept it in storage and never looked at it again, but it just didn't feel right. Maybe it's because I knew that it was music that he liked. It would have been wasted if it was kept in my possession. Returning it to him was very difficult. I also don't fully understand why. I forced myself to. He didn't react much, and I left the room quickly after telling him it's not my kind of music.

Upon further reflection, I can now see some of the underlying psychodynamics. He never talked to me and seldom showed interest in anything about me. The record symbolized a brief expression of his interest in me. He realized that I had no records to use on my record player, and he decided to give me what I believed to be one of his favorite albums. This was the attention that I both yearned for and hated, and I let the hate win. He never offered another record to me again.