One liners to get you laughing today...


No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

The maths teacher confiscated a rubber band slingshot in her class because it was a weapon of maths disruption.

Where can men over the age of 60 find younger, sexy woman who are interested in them? Try a bookstore under fiction.

I used to work with two guys named Alan Beatty and Neville Buist. The pair made a great "Beatty and the Buist".

Scientists say they have found the missing link - a little monkey. It lived on mostly twigs and berries, which makes it a direct ancestor of today's supermodel.

The anti-aging ad I'd like to see is a baby covered in cream saying,"Oh, I've used too much!"

I keep my office cold. Just because my dreams have died, that doesn't mean they shouldn't be well preserved.

"A good education is the next best thing to a pushy mother."

Lord, give me patience...and the time to recover.

Added spin on sin...


by Peter Petterson

First published at Qondio:

The Vatican has overhauled its list of mortal sins. Traditionally, the Catholic Church has had a list of seven deadly sins - lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy and pride - which was established in the 6th century. However, latter day "social" sins have been added to keep pace with the age of technology and globalisation:

1/ "Bioethical violations such as birth control

2/ "Morally dubious" experiments

3/ Drug abuse

4/ Polluting the environment

5/ Contributing to widening the divide between rich and poor

6/ Excessive wealth

7/ Creating poverty

I wonder if excessive wealth could be an impediment of the Catholic Church?

http://huttriver.qondio.

Dead woman sat at her desk for a day - how sad is that?


A Los Angeles woman who died at her desk in a busy open-plan office went more than a day before being discovered.

Rebecca Wells collapsed and died sometime on Friday at her office cubicle in the Los Angeles County Department of Internal Services, TV station KTLA reported.

Ms Wells was not found until around 1pm on Saturday (local time), when a security guard noticed her slumped over in her chair.

According to police, the last time a fellow employee saw her alive was around 9am on Friday.

Ms Wells, an auditor in her department's risk management division, had reportedly become a grandmother the previous week.

The cause of death is not yet known but police do not suspect foul play.

Video: http://news.msn.co.nz/article/8212029/dead-woman-sits-at-desk-for-a-day

Not getting enough greens...


by Peter Petterson

First published at Qondio:

A man goes to his doctor complaining about stomach problems. The doctor asks him what he has been eating.

"I only eat pool balls," he says. "Read ones for breakfast, yellow for lunch, blue for afternoon snacks, purple for dinner, and black for a late night snack."

"I see your problem," says the doctor."You're not getting enough greens."

http://huttriver.qondio.co

One liners to get you laughing today...


Image via WikipediaNo matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

The maths teacher confiscated a rubber band slingshot in her class because it was a weapon of maths disruption.

Where can men over the age of 60 find younger, sexy woman who are interested in them? Try a bookstore under fiction.

I used to work with two guys named Alan Beatty and Neville Buist. The pair made a great "Beatty and the Buist".

Scientists say they have found the missing link - a little monkey. It lived on mostly twigs and berries, which makes it a direct ancestor of today's supermodel.

The anti-aging ad I'd like to see is a baby covered in cream saying,"Oh, I've used too much!"

I keep my office cold. Just because my dreams have died, that doesn't mean they shouldn't be well preserved.

"A good education is the next best thing to a pushy mother."

Lord, give me patience...and the time to recover.

A priest books into a hotel and says to the receptionist, "I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled?"

She replies, "No, its just regular porn you SICK bastard."

The ears had it doctor...

By Peter Petterson

First published at Qondio:

A man arrived at work with both ears bandaged. "What on earth happened to you?" his boss enquired.
"I was ironing my shirt when the phone rang and I accidently answered the iron," the man explained.

"That accounts for one ear, but what about the other?"

"Well I had to phone the doctor.